Saturday, March 18, 2006

Prednisone is my Friend...

So... I'm on Prednisone right now. It's supposed to help reduce the inflammation in my nose so I would hypothetically be able to smell and taste stuff... I'm not sure if that's working, but I'm really enjoying life right now, as a side effect. It's been fun having as much energy as I have had, but where does it all go? I feel like I'm done with my 18 - 20 hour day and have very little to show for it... and everything else keeps on piling up. I have three meetings to go to on Monday, and I'm starting one of them (Math club) and running another (On-campus band attempt # 1), and I have to get my research proposal in and decide if I want to play softball and I acquired a hefty stack of books to read... it's great... or something. I just wish that I didn't have to sleep for a week. Then I might be halfway back to where I want to be. Of course, I only have another week on Prednisone, so I'm sorta doubting such great productivity...

I just want to set up my schedule and be able to stick to it for a few weeks. Is that so much?

On a side note, I went to my church's 101 class today... just so I know what my church is all about. I agree with the basic doctrines and beliefs, of course, but I've been thinking a lot more about theology and biblical interpretation because of my classes this semester. It's a very good church; however, I do disagree with some of the finer points of my church's doctrine, and I'm not even 20, so I'm pretty sure that my current position is temporary. I could feel it, but I'm okay with it. I just want some stability and accomplishments NOW. Did I mention that I'm going to have to miss three out of five evening services in April? That's going to throw me off... whee!

I need to go music shopping for some songs for my band kids before they (and I) get bored. Whee!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

an odd statement from the all-time bestseller...

"A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind." - Mark 14:39 (NIV)

Why in the world is this in the Bible? Does it show the shame that one feels when they turn from Christ?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Church Politics...

Now... if I really talked about church politics, where I see (and have seen) them, and what I think about those situations, I think I would ruin any chance I would ever have at working at any church. Suffice to say, they stink and they tick me off. And they ruin ministries and people who don't like politics faster than anything else. Why must people be the way they are, even if they have positions of churchly power? Does the power outweigh the churchly?

And that is all I can really say on my church politics rant.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thank God

About a year ago, a friend of mine said, "If I ever saw God, I'd pee my pants." I think I know what she means now.

December/January was rough... mainly because of my freaky schedule, I think, but I know there's some other stuff involved. God wanted me to spend more time with him, not just spend all the time I do in the worship bands. So I've finally started to do that... that is, try to spend a few minutes quiet time when it really is quiet out... when my roommate's not around, or when she's in bed, and when people aren't running around, and I have all the demanding tasks done. So that's usually just before I go to sleep.

Anyway, I've started to understand how great our God is (thanks Chris Tomlin) and how many different ways he can show love towards his people, and just how incomprehensible to us He is.

So one Sunday night I was feeling particularly crappy, so I cracked open the Bible to a random page. I proceded to read the story of Saul's death. So that ticked me off. I wanted something uplifting, not something about some guy who tried hard to please God but then grew disenchanted just lose it all and commit suicide. Was it all for naught? Was it all for David? Either way, I didn't like that one, so I flipped to somewhere in Isaiah and read something about fasting... the part about don't call attention to yourself when you do it and all that, but I didn't want that either. So in the New Testament, I found one of the verses where someone says that the wise can't find Jesus - only those with the faith of a child can find Him. So I gave up and went to bed.

Yeah, I laugh at it now, but I think I was pretty close to wanting to cry at the time. But I guess God just knows when we're trying to throw a pity party or when we just need to go to bed (note the timestamp on this post...)

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I guess...

I've been extremely friend-sensitive lately (again). I think I'm losing my best friend (since middle school) - mostly because I can never get in touch with her, but also because she is in such a miserable state of mind... and she won't really talk about it. So that's the most important 1/4 of the people my age that I really consider good friends dropping out. On top of that (or maybe related to that) I'm feeling pretty disconnected with God at the moment. Sorta stinky with it being around Christmas, too.

So now I'm back to noticing the cliquishness of the college church group I'm in. Most people are just too comfortable with the friends they have there to branch out and try to make new ones - they do the standard "Hi, how are you, I'm ____. Where do you go to school/work?" and that's about it. They then lose interest ('cause they performed their duty as a member of that church) and turn back to one of their friends. I had time to stick around and talk to a few people, and that's mostly the treatment I got. But I did meet a couple of people and go out to dinner with them. Though I was much younger than either of them, they were very cool. They have such a different outlook on and so much more insight into life.

While I do have my place in the band and appreciate everyone in it, I just can't relate to their lives well... or do half of the stuff that they do because of my age and income. I like to feel like I'm a part of what I really am a part of, and while musically I'm there, relationship-wise, I feel left out. But I know that they know that I'm there, and I enjoy being around all of them.

So I'm hoping God will bless me with a couple solid friendships in the future... I don't know. I know that God will never let me be completely alone, at least, and I think I'm in the right place at the moment.

... I really wish I could be profound and inspirational (or even positive) with my posts, but I got nothin'...

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I don't see how you guys do it...

To the seasoned guitarists out there... how do you stand having callouses on your fingers? They're annoying and distracting me to no end!

I've been practicing guitar a lot more than usual (and have been keeping up on keys, too). It's so much fun, and I've been improving dramatically over the past few weeks ... mostly because my dad, a player for a good 30 - 35 years, gives me lessons and shows me stuff every time I'm home - which was a lot of time when was home for Thanksgiving break. There's just a naturalness in a hand's movement on a fretboard that keyboard could never get. Plus, when you're playing on stage, you can dance around with a guitar. You're sorta stuck if you're playing keys (which is why I want a keytar! Maybe I can mod my old keyboard... that'd look sorta ugly, though)

I never really appreciated my parents until after I got away from them. Funny how that works. I still diagree with them, but I can have relationships with them, now that they aren't lording over me every day. I wonder what they think...

Saturday, November 26, 2005

AHHH!

I thought I had my life plan (and several contingincy plans) figured out, but now I've been thrown not just one, but two curveballs in one day...

So... yeah, I'm majoring in Math and Religion. I don't think I'm ever going to change that. The plan was to go to grad school to get my masters in math and then teach at a college while volunteering at a church to work with teens (in music)... but there are mini-plans in that... like going on a few missions trips - both abroad and in the cities - and getting in on some more conferences. But I'm good at math and good at teaching math, so research and teaching seem like the safest and most likely route for me.

But today, as I was reading a book ("Authentic Faith" by Gary L. Thomas - it's nothing too inspirational, but there's some okay bits in there) I had the revelation that I wouldn't mind being a youth pastor. I'm getting better at communicating vocally - my maximum comfortable audience has grown from six to thirty in the past few months - and I really enjoy what I'm doing at my church now, and I'm enjoying the subject matter of my Biblical Lit course this semester (the prof, on the other hand, is about as entertaining and informative as the snow on a TV screen)... so there's that road.

And when I got home from lunch today, a copy of Keyboard magazine was sitting next to my laptop. I opened it up, since I know my dad loves his copies of Acoustic Guitar magazine, and found a whole bunch of cool keyboard and synthy stuff that was WAY over my head. Now, I like mixing sound, and I like technogadgets, so this definitely piqued my interest. So if I wanted to take piano lessons and some music courses at my college, I could probably start down that way and get a job in a recording studio or something - I don't think I could make it as a full-time artist. All this music stuff is really cool... like, really freakin' awesome type of cool... I just don't know enough about it. I do know, however, that if I really wanted to get into it, I should start taking piano lessons. Now (of course, that may be a good idea anyway...).

My safety net has officially been ripped away. I'm trusting God to lead me in the right direction, but there are so many directions right now that I could easily feel lost and start panicking, because I like to have plans. I do think I'm going to spend more than 2.5 more years in school, at least, and at least my life is (at the moment) safe through the end of the spring semester...

In other news, I'm feeling much better socially than I did a month and some ago. Of course, I feel like I'm making more of an effort to be social and stuff. Either way, God's definitely changing me and my life.